Oh Man,

Not smoking today is going to be difficult.

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Picking It Up

If I were as high profile as Britney Spears, I’m sure that Perez and all of those other gossip hubs would be eating my story up for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Good thing I’m just an average college girl on a campus of 25,000 students where dumb mistakes like this become completely inconsequential.

It’s times like this, though, the test my true commitment to quitting. I did have one cigarette this afternoon..but can you blame me? Try having all of this happen to you the week of examinations, ugh.

I know that smoking a cigarette won’t make the situation any better. In fact, it’s more likely to perpetuate negative feelings and thoughts. Even if the great relationship I was developing fell to shambles this weekend atleast I’ll know I was able to quit smoking and I’m really proud of myself for that.

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Final Stretch

There’s about a couple weeks untill I head home. If something terrible doesn’t happen between now and then, I may be able to say mission accomplished.

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Fail Take Two

Although not as consequential of a fail as:

I’m a bit dissapointed in myself. I just smoked a cigarette on the way to Econ. First cigarette I’ve smoked in a while, ugh. It was NOT worth it. I just threw out my pack outside Lorch Hall.

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Moment of Truth

And if you believed the world had no more ridiculous shows to come up with, YOU’RE WRONG. This is the tv show that, hands down, ruins lives. Review and clip:

I mean, seriously, one has got to hate himself in order to appear on this thing.

I know this isn’t directly related to my smoking…but I was feeling an overwhemingly powerful craving half an hour ago and the only thing I could do to stop myself from running outside for a cigarette was google: “moment of truth.” Thank goodness for the abundance of dumb but entertaining outlets provided by the world wide web, I spent the last twenty minutes waching this clip thankful that I am not the blonde chick sitting in the chair shredding her life to bits.

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Judgement

It feels as though years have passed since I smoked cigarettes in between every class and on every walk from somewhere to anywhere on campus….

In actuality, it has been about three weeks. But I still remember very clearly the judgemental looks I received from people. Everytime I saw someone’s glance roll down to the cigarette in my hand I wondered: what must he/she be thinking about me right now?

Brief anecdote: this summer I was taking a calculus course at Boston University. I remember smoking outside the building when my teacher approached me asking for a lighter. I was taken aback by his request and even more shocked when he proceeded to chit chat about last weeks exam while taking drags of his parliament light. I must say, the experience made me think of him as much less of an authority than before.

a more general question: does seeing someone smoke change your perception of them?

Imagine, for example, you found out your teacher or new friend smoked…would you think differently of them?

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My Dad On Smoking

Let me introduce you to my dad.

He’s a professor of labor economics at MIT, loves outdoor sports and sayings things that aren’t pc or appropriate just to shock people. I won’t get into examples because that would be embarassing. For me, not him. I’m pretty sure his brain has been wired conveniently numbing him to the feelings of embarassment. If only we all were so lucky.

My dad also has a lot of pet peeves including loud gum chewers. So I am sitting in my brothers room while him and my dad discuss something about courses for next semester. My brother is chewing gum quite loudly. The conversation goes:

Noam (my brother): So do you think I should take Econ or Cognitive Science ((while chewing like a cow))
Dad: loose the gum.
Noam: I forgot that you hate gum.
Dad: I’d rather you go smoke a cigarette.

hm…my mom would’ve had a heart attack had she heard this.

Moreover, this reminds me that when my parents found out about my smoking my mom flipped shits while my dad rationalized my behavior as a social phase. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure my dad loves me and my brother and would certainly not want us to die from lung cancer but sometimes his parenting skills confuse me.

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